By Ashley Gronholm December 28/2015
“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 1:6
What a year 2015 has been! Full of highs and lows, 2015 has been a year unlike any other. I say this with gratitude in my heart, with no boastful attitude whatsoever. At the top of 2015, I knew I had a daunting task ahead of me: to begin holding women’s retreats as well as continue to hold monthly bible study gatherings for Be Free Ministry, lead a team of volunteers as well as a women’s small group through North Point Community Church and serve with their baptism ministry. It was A LOT to manage.
Daily, I spent time in prayer and in the word studying and preparing for each monthly message and then executing each bible study event which amounted to around 20-30 hours of preparation monthly. Looking ahead, retreat season was coming and I knew I had three retreats I would be offering through Be Free Ministry. Each retreat was a process of “inventing the wheel”, requiring brand new content for five one our long devotionals at each retreat…that’s 15 new messages that needed to be written, practiced and delivered for the three retreats coming in 2015! YIKES! I started many times to attempt to write for the first retreat and found myself wandering aimlessly. I began to panic. “How in the WORLD am I going to be able to do this God?”, was the cry of my heart in addition to, “What was I THINKING?!!!”.
Finally, about two weeks before our first women’s retreat in April, I came across a quote from Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling: “Be still while I transform your heart and mind. Let go of cares and worries that you can and receive my peace. Cease striving and know that I am God.” The following words jumped of the page at me:
BE STILL
TRANSFORM
LET GO
RECEIVE MY PEACE
KNOW THAT I AM GOD
And there it was…an outline for the first five devotionals for our very first BE STILL Retreat. This experience undoubtedly proved Jesus’ faithfulness as he so clearly answered my prayer for help! The task before us may appear daunting, but with God, all things are possible! (Matt 19:26) We need only to obey and TRUST in Him! I know…easier said than done, but so true. I was amazed how quickly the devotionals were written once I finally discerned through the Holy Spirit, and after much prayer, what JESUS needed me to write about. It’s all about pleasing the Lord and doing His will.
Learning to seek the will of the Lord and WAITING until the answer came was the hardest part for me. I tried and tried to be on schedule or ahead of schedule in my writing preparations, to relieve some the stress I was under. But, as the deadline approached, and after many failed attempts to come up with a writing approach on my own, after crying out to God in prayer, the Holy Spirit finally showed me what to write; It was surprisingly simple and clear. The devotionals flowed beautifully and the impact of the messages and the way the topics built upon one another was astounding! This was clearly the workings of the Lord and all Glory to the Father for His perfect design!
At the time, I was so unsure of myself, but fully trusting that Jesus wanted me to offer these retreats and letting HIS will guide my writing and planning was key.
“Who am I”, was on my heart daily. I had no theology degree, no credentials. But, I know now that God doesn’t call the equipped but rather equips those He calls. Jesus had begun a MIGHTY WORK IN ME and HE WOULD BRING WHAT HE STARTED TO COMPLETION.
It wasn’t for me to know or understand HOW Jesus would do this, but rather to say, “YES LORD” and continue to pray and study as I walked the daily walk of “being still” in prayer and study as I sought the Lord, that I might obey Jesus and do His will.
I will never forget the drive up to the cabin to run the first retreat last April. I was alone in my car, because my car was packed so full of food, décor and various items needed for the retreat that there was absolutely no room for another person in my car! That was a very interesting 90 minute drive as I prayed and talked with Jesus, mulling over in my mind all the moving parts of running a retreat for the first time! It would be an understatement to say that I was feeling overwhelmed. As I turned off the main road and onto the dirt road that would take me to my little humble retreat site by the creek, I felt a surge of PANIC come over me. Involuntarily I cried outload with tears falling like bricks, “God, you’ve got to SHOW UP!!! I CAN’T DO THIS ON MY OWN! IT’S TOO MUCH! I’M SO SCARED! SHOW UP LORD, SHOW UP!!!”. A beautiful quiet came over my racing heart as I pulled up to the retreat site. I wiped my tears, and got out of my car. No one knew the moment of panic I had just experienced. After all, as a leader, you need to take a strong front and instill confidence in those around you, RIGHT?! But Jesus heard my cry…my desperate plea…and man oh man did He DELIVER and RESCUE!
As I walked out to the pavilion by the creek to give the first of five brand new devotionals, just barely written to the 17 or so women who were in attendance, I felt fear, panic and doubt, but I walked out to that pavilion and essentially allowed myself to fall into the safe arms of Jesus as I opened my mouth to begin to attempt to impart what Jesus had given me to share FOR HIM. Was it scary? You bet. Did it test my FATIH? Absolutely. Did Jesus SHOW UP? MAGNIFICENTLY.
There are no words to describe what the women at this retreat and I experienced as we came before the Lord to receive HIM. But, I will say, that I don’t know that anything else I will ever do in my whole life will surpass what we experienced that weekend with Jesus! Here’s the short list: DELIVERANCE, SURRENDER, A WOMAN LITERALLY HEALED FROM AGONINZING CHRONIC PAIN, MIGHTY PRAYER OVER 7 WOMEN in JESUS NAME! Now that’s what I would call “GOD SHOWING UP!”
Interestingly, as wonderfully uplifted as we all were by these events, the leadership team were simply wiped out physically once the retreat ended. We needed to rest!! By the time the retreat was over, I was so exhausted and I could barely function. As I packed up the last things into my car to drive home, I heard a voice in my mind say to me, “Don’t speed or you’ll get a ticket. But if you do, the officer will look into the back of your car and see the cross and he will pardon your ticket.” “Ok, I’m really losing it!”, I thought and got in my car to drive home. Sure enough, I encountered two drivers on the road who were locking me in so that I could not pass. I hit a downward stretch of road and decided to “gun it” to move pass these two annoying drivers. And then it happened. A cop at the bottom of the hill clocked me driving at 85 miles per hour. Incidentally that small stretch of highway had a speed limit of 65 rather than 75! The cop pulled me over. “Are you kidding me God?” I said under my breath. I started to feel angry, but then I remembered what I then began to accept as the words of the Holy Spirit, which were spoken over me before I drove home. “Don’t speed or you’ll get a ticket. But if you do, the officer will look into the back of your car and see the cross and he will pardon your ticket.” I looked into the back on my car, as the officer was approaching me, and saw it: The large black and white canvas with the cross painted with stenciled names of God to form the shape of a cross. Then I heard the phrase again in my mind: “The officer will look into the back of your car and see the cross and he will pardon your ticket.” I prayed a quick prayer for forgiveness for doubting the Lord and asked for a miracle; that the officer would pardon my offense and not give me a ticket.
The officer came to my car. I apologized for speeding and explained about the two drivers who were locking me in on both sides of the road. I explained how tired I was and that I had been running a women’s Christian ministry retreat over the weekend. Then it happened, the officer looked into the back of my car and saw the cross. My heart skipped a beat. Is it happening? I thought. Then, to my disappointment, the officer asked for my driver’s license and insurance and left the side of my car, to proceed back to his car….to issue me a speeding ticket…or so I thought. I was discouraged, but I kept praying for the miracle. “Please God, I don’t want to pay a $200 fine and attend driving school. Can you please give me a miracle?”
The officer walked back to my car and leaned into the driver’s side window. He looked back at the cross again, paused for a moment and then he said these exact words:
“I am a believing man. Because of who you are and what you have been doing, I am not going to give you a ticket. Slow down and drive safe.”
WOW WOW WOW!!! I thanked the officer over and over as he walked from my car. My heart was soaring with JOY and ELATION! This truly was a miracle!! Thank you Jesus!!! I learned from this experience NOT TO DISCREDIT THE VOICE OF THE LORD…even when the message doesn’t translate upon receiving it. We don’t have to understand in the moment it comes. God moves in mysterious ways and the understanding will come after the testing of your FAITH.
This MIRACLE became a beautiful illustration of the theme of the message: understanding will come after the testing of your faith. Everything that has occurred in 2015 has been a result of HEARING, BELIEVING and TRUSTING that God will bring to completion what he has started. (Philippians 1:6).
Another miracle came on Easter morning. My husband Greg and I decided to take the kids to Tybee Island and vacation at the beach for Spring Break. As I was packing my bag, I had a thought that I should pack closed toed walking shoes and a weather resistant jacket. This felt VERY strange to me because I was also packing shorts, light weight clothes and a bathing suit. But, against my better judgement, I packed the jacket and shoes. Well, as it turned out, I was very grateful I had listened to that “voice” in my head, because it ended up being straight from the Lord. You see, God knew what the weather would be like at Tybee Island that Easter weekend. He also knew my heart, and that I desired to wake up early Easter morning and watch the sunrise for the first time in my whole life at the beach and have church on the sand with Jesus!
The night before Easter, I set my alarm on my phone to wake up early enough to see the sunrise. Upon waking, I hurried to the sliding glass doors and opened the drapes and to my great disappointment I saw what looked like a hurricane outside my condo!! The wind was blowing so hard that the palm trees were bent over and looked as though they would snap in two! What?!! NO!!!! I thought to myself. I can’t go out in the weather!! And then I remembered the voice, suggesting that I pack closed toed shoes and a weather resistant jacket. Ohhhhh. I see! “But it looks so COLD OUT THERE!!! You don’t want to go outside in these weather conditions, do you?” I walked back to my room and crawled into my warm cozy bed. “This was NOT what I had in mind God.” I wanted a warm, beautiful sunny Easter Sunrise service on the sand with Jesus!” The weather is horrible out there!! I was disappointed. I lay there in bed for about another 10 minutes and then had another thought, “You don’t want to miss this. Get out of bed. It will be worth it.” And there it was again, a moment of choice to obey or do what makes SENSE. Thank the Lord I chose to obey!! I got out of bed, put on the warmest clothes I had, and suited up in my closed toes walking shoes and jacket, and with Bible in hand, made my way for the shore.
The wind was whipping and hurling tiny pelting grains of sand against by face and hands. It actually was slightly painful and definitely very unpleasant but I pressed on towards the shoreline. I put my head down and leaned into the wind and continued to make my way towards the shore. “I am going to see that sunrise Lord!!” I told myself. I finally made it and sat down in my fold up chair. As the sun began to rise, I could barely hold my head up to see it, because the sand was flying against my face! I held out my cell phone to attempt to film the sunrise because honestly, I was not really enjoying myself but I wanted to capture this moment anyway!
I remember my hands shaking from the cold and again the stinging effect of the tiny grains of sand as they made impact with my hands. I would shut my eyes and then open my eyes to take short glimpses of the sunrise. “This is definitely NOT what I had in mind”. But, regardless of the circumstances, the sun was rising and it was Easter morning! I started to feel gratitude for the fact that I was even on a beach on Easter morning watching a beautiful sunrise. And then I began to find the humor in this moment! “What in the WORLD GOD? YOU SURE HAVE A CRAZY SENSE OF HUMOR!” I began to enjoy the challenge of this crazy moment, trying to film a sunrise with my iPhone in the middle of what felt like a HURRICANE!
After the sun was fully in the sky, the wind began to die down a bit, just enough that I could open my Bible. I decided to offer a prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord. As I did a mighty spirit of forgiveness washed over me!! Truly, forgiveness is the gift of God! I began to pray over every enemy I have ever had from childhood on and said out loud “I forgive you _______.” This was an unexpected and incredibly freeing experience! After my prayer was finished, I opened my Bible to the following passages:
2 Thessalonians 2:13-16 which reads:
“…God chose you as first fruits to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in truth. He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. So then, brothers and sisters, STAND FIRM and hold fast to the teaching we passed on to you…May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in ever good deed and word.”
And I heard, “This will be the theme of the 2nd Be Free Ministry retreat.” I prayed and thanked the Lord for his faithfulness to me!! Then I heard, “We’re not done. Open your scriptures again.” So, I did and was lead straight to
James 1:2-4 which reads:
“Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds for you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance FINISH IT’S WORK, so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.”
and I knew…this verse was to be the theme of the 3rd Be Free Ministry retreat in 2015. How faithful is our God?!! He is so MIGHTY and WONDERFUL!!! I sat there on the sand, in the cold, full of JOY, WONDER and AWE of all GOD had just revealed! I was so so very thankful that I didn’t stay in bed!!!
Looking back, I believe these two key verses were not only the Lord’s will for the remaining retreat themes for Be Free Ministry, but were also prophetic leadings for me in the year to come. I felt a warning come as well, accompanied with peace knowing and trusting that God would bring to completion what He had started and that I did not need to fear.
I will tell you that 2015 has been one of the most beautiful and difficult years of my life!! I’ve experienced miracles and great movings of the Holy Spirit as well as deep loss and pain. Betrayal, criticism and pain have also come with ministry, but Jesus descended below all for us and by His stripes we are healed! He told us we would be hated by the world. He told us we could not serve two masters. We are also told that we will have great joy as we serve the LORD! I have not been on this roller coaster ride alone! Jesus has been with me every step of the way…and oh what MIGHTY MIRACLES I have seen and experienced in HIS WONDROUS NAME.
Events of 2015:
- Launched a Christian Ministry
- Began Preaching
- Began Writing for God
- Emptied our savings to buy a retreat site
- Savings Replenished
- Betrayed and abandoned by friends and foe
- Received Criticism and Evil Speaking and Slander
- An opportunity to forgive the unforgiveable
- Four Surgeries
- Healings
- Deliverance
- Three Baptisms
- A could have been fatal crash in which my son walked away with no injuries
- Grace, Grace and more Grace!
- Cancer diagnosis and then healing for my husband culminating with his baptism
- My daughter saved at a Beth Moore conference
- My son delivered from oppression through prayer
- Deliverance from my enemies
- Fruits of the Spirit in abundance
JOY IN THE LORD!!
I am not sure what 2016 will bring, but one thing I AM sure of: Jesus will be with me and He will bring to completion what He has begun! Perhaps this is the year, you will confidently STEP OUT FOR GOD, or recommit your life to Jesus? Whatever this year brings, know with confidence that Jesus goes before you and will fight for you! (Exodus 14:4) I can honestly say that I have NO REGRETS. That doesn’t mean I haven’t made mistakes…but the good and the bad all of it I lay down at the foot of the cross. Jesus is MIGHTY TO SAVE!
“‘Till so sweet to TRUST IN JESUS, just to take Him at His word. Just to rest upon his promise, just to know thus sayeth the LORD. Jesus, Jesus how I TRUST HIM!! How I proved him o’er and o’er! Jesus, Jesus…precious Jesus….oh for GRACE to TRUST HIM MORE.”
All Glory and Honor to God!!